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10.13.2016

to the girl with the beautiful heart

It was a dark and rainy night. And there you were, outside the quiet gas station, enveloped in a cloud of poison. You breathed the poison in as quickly as you exhaled it. As I walked past you to the door, we exchanged glances. I smiled at you, and you smiled back. You were so young and beautiful, yet in your eyes I sensed a sadness. As I glanced around the station, looking for a cashier, you popped in behind the counter. You said a cheery hello, but I found the smile behind your words to be surface level. It was almost as if the poison you were breathing moments ago had fogged over your heart, depriving it of joy. I wanted to reach out, I wanted to hear your story. The moment was gone, and I went my way.

Looking back, I wonder... What if it were me? What if I were the one with the sad eyes? It wouldn't be too far fetched. If life had dealt me a different hand, I would be the one under the dim lights of a gas station. Dear friend, I hope your journey doesn't end here. I hope this is simply one of your stops on your way upward. Beyond the sadness in your eyes, there is still a light. Don't let the poison around you burn it out. Don't let the sadness drag you down. Hold on.


"Lay down, lay down your old chains. Come now, take up your new name. Your best life's up ahead now. One step away."

2.15.2015

The Slumbering World

Have you ever felt a weight, like the world is too much to bear? Like there is so much to do, too many people that need help, yet you don't know how to help them. Do you ever feel as though the world around you is asleep and you need to shake it awake, yet no matter how hard you shake the world still sleeps? Do you ever wonder if, perhaps, you are as asleep as the rest of the world, and cannot wake yourself, cannot save yourself or anyone else no matter how hard you try.

So you try to swim through the fog, yet it is too thick for you to see or feel anything else. You remember again that you are asleep and try again to wake yourself, yet the task seems too daunting. You try to form words to cry for help, yet the words sound foreign as they hit your ears, and the world goes on with its slumber.

It seems almost impossible to break through this fog, through this slumber. The struggle to awake weighs on your soul until you feel that it might burst. You struggle to keep it in check, yet you silently hope that maybe it will burst. Maybe then the pain would end. Maybe then the slumbering world would awaken.

You slowly drag yourself through the fog, and as you awaken, you grow more and more aware of the pain piercing your soul. The more you attempt the ignore the pain, the more it throbs and thrives in your soul. You wonder if it is even worth the effort, but you are already committed so you again fight to find the surface of your slumber.

Only then do you finally break through. You see the sunlight, and remember why you had fallen into so great a slumber in the first place. You realize that you are dying from the intense pain. You could get help, but you don't know who to ask. You survey your surroundings, and suddenly an intense loneliness hits you like a title wave and you wonder if maybe, just maybe the slumber is better. At least then you don't have to face the constant pain and loneliness.

As the waves of pain crash over your soul, you finally find the courage to cry out. You summon all of your strength and shout with all your might. After your cry, the world sits in silence. One minute... Two minutes... Three minutes... Time drags on, and you hear no answer.

Finally, through the silence, you hear a faint whisper. As you struggle to make it out, it grows and you hear it "I'm here! Come to me!" it says. Hope floods your soul and you struggle through the slumbering souls. As you draw closer, and closer, the voice becomes more and more real.

You draw closer, and closer to the voice, and the fog begins to lift. Finally, through the mist you make out a figure. It beckons you closer, and you stand face to face. The man feels familiar to you, yet you have never seen him before. As you look into his eyes, you see he has fought the pain and fog, yet has not been touched by it.

He looks at you with tender compassion, and  you know you are safe from the pain. You know that this man will not cause any more grief. As you look into his eyes, you realize that he is holding out his hand. That he is welcoming you. You feel safe, so you follow him, and he leads you to a quiet stream.

As you sit on cool boulders by the dancing spring, you feel at home. This man has the world in his eyes, and you think of the ancient tale of a Man dying on the cross to save His people, and you wonder if they could be true. The more you talk to this man, the more you feel your burdens lifted, and the more you realize that this is the Man who died so long ago. This is the Savior who bore his people's sins.

This Savior had become sin so that you could be free, and He was here right now, beside you. He is here, and only He can take away our slumber and apathy. Only He can awaken our slumbering world. Only if our church awakens to the truth, that He is coming back and that He will awaken these dry bones if only we ask. He is the only hope for our slumbering world.

1.24.2015

this is now



Just when I thought my sin has closed the door
I see my Savior standing on the shore
With arms wide open
Just like the first time You called my name
You said that was then
And this is now

My child, I bore your cross, I wore your crown
When you couldn't come to me, my love came down
So take My hand, I'll lead you out
Cause that was then
And this is now

~ Casting Crowns

I love this song because it reminds me that no matter how far I wander away from my Savior, He will always be there to draw me back in. He will hold me and love me even when I wander, He will call me back to Him. As a broken and sinful human, I often wander, and don't live my life for His glory. I remember the feeling when I first followed Christ, I thought nothing could take my focus away from my Savior, but somehow I drifted. Being a Christian isn't as easy as I used to think it was, it takes work, hard work. There are so many things that Satan brings into our path to draw us away from Him, but He promised that no matter what the devil brings, He will provide a way of escape (I Corinthians 10:12-13). This is encouraging to me, because no matter how big and powerful Satan is; God is so much more powerful, and he will not allow us to be tempted beyond our ability. He will always be there for us.

1.13.2015

Taking Flight


When I think about "taking flight" many images and memories come to my mind. The first thing I think about is a bird. This brings me back to when I was young, and would carefully fill the bird feeders every week. I remember looking out the window, watching for new birds and writing down every new species I saw.

This also reminds me of one of my favorite books in middle school My Side of the Mountain. I loved almost everything about that book, but one of the most memorable parts of the book was his description of his Peregrine falcon. He would let this falcon fly, and it would soar higher and higher into the sky until he just appeared as a speck. I think these images appeal to me so much because of the freedom and exhilaration that flying seems to be.

I am at a stage in my life where I am in some form of taking flight. I am in my second year of college, and as I am in an accelerated program, I will graduate next year with a degree as a teacher. After that, I hope to get my own apartment and start my first job as a teacher. For the first time in my life, I won't live in my parent's home, and I will have to provide for myself. I also think of the image of taking flight as I will assist my students in "taking flight" in their own learning. I think we all take flight in our own ways at different stages, so this blog is a way for me to process what I learn while I am in the process of taking flight as an adult, and while I learn about how my students take flight in their own way.